Pain
by HoshisamaValmor
Summary: Children shouldn't learn through pain.


**Author's Note:** I always write Kenny as neglecting over abusing (even though he was obviously psychologically abusive and neglect is a huge form of abuse). However, that doesn't exclude the possibility that he was rougher and harmful at times. Both Kenny and Levi are violent men.

Also I tried to spend more time on Levi's thought process than anything else of this. He's 8 in this fic.

Written to 'Blood' album by In This Moment. It felt like it had the right amount of anger and fear I wanted.

 **Warnings:** Language, dysfuncional family, mistreating of children.

 **Disclaimer:** Still don't own Shingeki no Kyojin.

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Children were so annoying. Sometimes they learned stuff immediately, uncannily so, other times you had to repeat the simplest things over and over and over and you just wish you could bash some sense into them. Violently. That was Kenny's thought process before, in the rare times he wasted those instances thinking about such a subject as children, and now that he had this kid, he-

Whoa, whoa.

Well, even thinking about kids was fucking annoying.

Dealing with children was a nuisance, and Levi was a special brand all on his own. He wasn't as bad as he could be, that much Kenny could give it to the kid (he didn't, of course, he just mused about it very ocasionally), but he was far from being perfect. 'Children' and 'perfect' didn't get together either way.

The midget had a natural talent. That was a bonus for the trouble of _having_ a kid (that would be the very last time he'd think of it in those words, or he might bash some sense violently into his _own_ head). Seeing him learn a new trick or when he finally did what he was told properly, if it hadn't forced Kenny to the brink of anger, were two instances that bloated any sense of pride Kenny was able to feel over anything besides his own skills. Calling it 'pride' was something he didn't bother to do, but it probably was. Being a silent kid as he was too, Levi was mostly a blessing when compared to other cackling brats. Other times it was actually a source of annoyance, but buttom line was, the kid was learning everything Kenny taught him.

He was less a nuisance on that regard than the general kid population.

That wasn't the problem.

The problem was how nerve wreckingly annoying Levi would become when he refused to do something. That put the general kid population on a fucking pedestal.

Their personalities clashed often, and Kenny's lack of patience for children clashed even more often with the fact that Levi was a child, but they would find a common ground - which meant Levi would do as told. Not this time.

After the fact, Kenny could try to muse that the whole situation got worse because of its apparent simplicity. He ordered Levi to steal. Kenny had lost the last money Levi got doing some errand, miscalculated how much he could actually drink and pay, so it was time to get it around. Kenny could steal - well of fucking course he could, and he was damn good at it, which was why he would teach the kid to do properly.

Basic. Bedrock skill for life. Stealing would always be a needed skill whether he was a teen trying to get something for himself or a grown adult with a crumbling life trying to put some food on the table. And it was something the brat had already done several times, a handful of them directly following Kenny's orders. He only stole food otherwise, which was quite illustrative of how he had turned out to be so natural at stealing so young. But Kenny taught him to steal money and prizes, with only one fail on the record so far.

Basic.

But the fucking kid wouldn't move.

"What ya mean, 'no'?"

"I don't want to." And that was as far as he elaborated, or spoke about the whole matter for that fact. He literally kept his lips pressed on that tight line as Kenny asked again, complained and called him an annoying prick - very rightfully so, specially considering the absolute lack of reason for this reaction.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? Ya got scared that time you were caught? That's how ya learn, dumbass. Better a drunken retard knocking ya on the head than a MP smashing ya against the ground."

He might as well be pissing to the fucking wind for all Levi cared. He started walking without any word or acknowledgement to Kenny speaking to him.

"If we don't get money, we don't get food. Miss your starving days, do ya? Midget! I'm talking to ya!"

Levi glided off, turning on a corner further ahead. Kenny followed him, annoyance starting to creep, catching him precisely as he was swiftly passing by some goods carter, tiny hand effortlessly and expertely snatching an apple before the merchants could even note the cute kid walking by.

Fucking kid was good, and he _could_ do it without a stretch, so that childish attitude was building on Kenny.

"Brat! Come here. Come here!" He noted from the corner of the eye that the merchants were attracted by his tone, their gazes turning around in search of the possible thief, but Levi hid the apple beneath his tattered shirt and continued walking as if it was nothing to him. Whatever doubts the merchants might have had, they let it be, assuming Kenny was calling the kid for some other reason and not to rat him out for stealing.

He kinda wanted to do that, but whatever.

"I get it, ya're showing off. Ya're good enough, is that it? I'm just an old weight for ya now? Huh? Will ya stop, ya're starting to piss me off. Levi!"

The brat continued, keeping a distance that Kenny could easily cover if he gave a half hearted sprint.

"Ya think ya know everything already? Is that it? A fucking childish rebellion?" He cursed under his breath, gritting his teeth. "Ungrateful brat. Why do I even bother teaching ya anything?"

"Why do you then? Who asked you to be here?"

"Huh? Speak up will ya?"

"Leave me alone, Kenny."

Kenny scoffed, but he _was_ getting pissed off. He never got patience for little rebellions.

"All this 'cause I told ya to steal money. Well, ya are gonna either way, so make all the mental fussin' ya want-"

"You're a fucking drunk pig that can't manage money. Go steal your own."

"Huh?! What the hell did ya just say?"

Levi took the apple out and dustied it off, thinking he still had the distance from Kenny. He might have heard the footsteps approaching, but the time it took him to turn around, Kenny had already shoved a hand around his and snatched the apple from him in a rough pull, almost hearing the fingers snap.

Kenny caught a flash of offense over pain or startle on Levi's features, for one daunting moment making him look exactly like a young Kuchel when he picked on her, but then the kid acted the same was as he always did, keeping it all in and hidden. He had moved his hand closer to his chest, fingers probably throbbing but trying to hide it.

"That's mine. Give it back."

"Ya're not eatin'."

"That's mine, Kenny!"

"Well now it's mine. That's how ya learn. Took ya two seconds to get this apple, took me one to steal it from ya. Will take ya just as long to get money. Show off all ya want, but get moving. Still there? The faster ya go, the faster ya eat."

"I'm not a fucking dog! Give it back!"

"That's how you train brats, didn't ya know? Ya're just like dogs. Now do as ya're fucking told!"

The glare had been turning deadlier each day, but to Kenny it was ridiculous. Levi turned on his heels, prepared for more of that quiet tantrum.

"I said I don't want to, so fuc-"

He caught Levi by the arm, fist locked hard enough to bruise and shoved him back roughly, exactly what he should have done to begin with. Levi didn't so much as grunt or complain, which made Kenny want to waggle him in a fit of annoyance - and that prevented him from noting the quiet surprised gasp that Levi _did_ let out when he was pulled back so hard.

"Ya've burned my patience. Ya hear?" Fuck it, Kenny _did_ shake him. That was the difference of strength between an adult and a child, the difference of skill between him and a brat. Levi would learn. Kids forget stuff just as easily as they learn.

Levi lost his balance when Kenny shoved him back and forth, free hand flying to clench around Kenny's either for support or to try to escape.

"Kenny."

"Ya won't eat anythin' until ya do as ya're told. I'm done with the rebellion, are we clear?"

"Let me go!" That was when he started to squirm, thinny arm bruised harder in his attempt to escape and small hand trying to claw at Kenny's. "Let me the fuck go, Kenny!"

He did. Levi stumbled back, cowering around his arm immediately and looking at Kenny with a different look in his eyes Kenny should have recognized immediately, but that he dismissed as he straightened the collar of his jacket emphatically, turning away in a spin.

"I'll be at Martha's. Hurry the fuck up."

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Levi didn't show up. On the first hour, it made the spark of anger that had caught Kenny so fiercely and suddenly stirr violently, his willingness to be a little rougher increasing with the number of beer mugs that accomulated in front of him.

The folk at the pub ended up quenching all that however, jokes and drinks thrown and passed around and the ambience at the pub growing pleasant and unwinded for a change. He not only got to snatch some coins of his own to toss at Martha the bartender, he got around a lane of dry-ass looking meat one of the drunkens decided to order. The guy must have quite a few bit of unexpected money with him, probably coming from some smuggling or whatnot, and even half drunk, Kenny easied him of some of the burden unsuspiciously.

He took his time walking back to their hidehouse, having got the charms for one good looking busty woman near the pub. He didn't get as busy as he would have liked - his smooth talking wasn't really enough to turn a prostitute over her head, a fact that had elluded him when he started soothing her. Kenny ended up waggling his way back, some part of him able to curse Kuchel for leaving him with both a kid and a quirk against sex workers. She might as well have fucking added thirty years on him. He was having all the signs of an old ruined useless geezer.

The house was dark, candles put out long before. Kenny stumbled on himself to get his bearings, eyes adjusting to the darkness and scant light that came from outside. The bundle over the mattress on the floor clarified Levi's whereabouts.

"Ya feeling calmer now?" he snorted, throwing himself unceremoniously to his tattering cushioned chair, always so comfy when he was comfortably past the sober point. The alcohol in his stomach bounced and made him burp. "Huh? I know ya're awake, Levi."

"Leave me alone."

No amount of alcohol or carelessness would mistake the cracked, snuffled whimper-turned-order, specially coming from Levi.

"Are ya crying? What the fuck for, huh, kid?"

"I said leave me alone."

Kenny snorted louder and pushed his fingertips to his brows, weight of the day just enhanced now by this late night show. His head was starting to throb in low waves.

"Ya wanna tell me, tell me. Ya don't wanna, don't. I don't care. Why the fuck are ya even bothering to do that is beyond me."

The bundle of clothes quivered but Levi, being the stupidass stubborn pest he was, didn't do anything.

The anger that was fresh on Levi's mind was gone from Kenny's, so he dismissed Levi to his frequent night time weird moods. He lowered the hat over his face and straightened his jacket to a more comfortable pose, feeling a strange bump on the side. Lazily, he pulled the apple out of the jacket's pocket, squinting to figure why a fucking apple was on his pocket.

"Oh, did ya end up eatin' anything?" He didn't really know how long it had been. A couple of hours? Probably more, they did stay a lot of time howling and laughing when Martha brought the meat.

"Shut up, leave me alone."

"Whatever, we'll talk tomorrow. Shut up and sleep."

"Why the fuck are you even here?! Go away!"

Kenny snorted so loudly he sounded like a horse even to himself. Drawing a deep breath, he took the hat from his head and stood up from the chair, bladder weighting down on him. As he stumbled around looking for the door of the makeshift bathroom Levi had forced him to use, even if it consisted of a bucket inside, his hip clashed with the corner of the table and made him hiss. The clanking was unusual though, but strangely familiar. Kenny squinted again and groped around the table top, making the coins tinkle against each other.

"Well you fucking brat. Ya're somethin' huh? Go eat that apple."

"You can choke on it for all I care."

The spark of anger pinched however slightly, but he was too tired either way. He did see that Levi had stood and sat down on the mattress, long hair tangled over his face. Kenny thought he could see wet trails on the sides of his cheeks, but he could be imagining it. A different type of sting pinched him then, that one that Kenny couldn't be bothered to name but that he had felt first time he saw the kid hold back his sobs at night, when he saw him shake from cold and Kenny pulled the bedsheet up to his ears, when the kid smiled in self accomplishment thinking Kenny wasn't around to see. When he saw Kuchel's face imprinted on her son.

"Fuck this," he cursed under his breath. He moved clumsily again, but it wasn't like he would sit by the mattress and have some holding-hands parenting bullshit. He probably would have questioned himself what he wanted to do midway, but when Kenny stepped forward, he saw it.

The kid flinched sharply, body tense and ready to lean against the wall, as farther away as it allowed him. The wet cheeks only made his widen eyes pop, the hazy light from the street outside now looking like a lamp for them. It was the same as before, that he should have acknowledged right away. Kenny was far too used to the feeling to miss it, to not see exactly what it was even through his slightly dazed brain, and for that reason he stopped in his tracks.

Levi was scared. And no question of whom.

"Oi. Hey, where the fuck does this come from? Huh?" The kid's fists were locked and squizing on the sheet, knuckles turning pale and eyes still wide. "Are you some baby kid, Levi?"

The pinch on his chest was stinging harder, and he fucking hated it. It had a bitter taste on the back of his throat and he didn't want any of that. Kenny gritted his teeth out of self irritation, and stepped forward again.

"Ok, kid, ya-"

"Don't."

For once in his life, his drunkenness seemed to be wearing off at a startling speed.

"Oi, it's me. What's all this, huh? Ya think I'd harm ya?"

Kenny saw as Levi unconsciously moved his body, hiding his left arm and shoulder.

"That? I didn't fucking harm you, kid, that-"

"Don't do it again."

"Kid-"

"I'm serious. I'm not a dog or a thing. Don't do that again. Or I'll cut you."

The hesitation didn't escape Kenny's awakening brain. He was testing, trying to see if adding the threat would work on his favor or enrage Kenny - and now he knew that he couldn't win against an adult, against Kenny, unprepared.

He was still cowering, eyes wide. Afraid a grown man would again hurt him and he would be helpless against it.

...Kenny knew what the pinch in his chest and at the back of his throat was. And he fucking hated it with a passion.

"Ya've learned, right? So both of us win. Let's call it a day, and enough of that. All that. Cryin'. Ya're not a baby, kid. And being afraid..." He tried looking for words, first and second choices feeling lacking. He recalled the day he met Uri. And to his surprise, thought about Levi in different situations, different places, what he had already seen that Kenny disregarded more often than not.

Kenny ended up sighing.

"Go to sleep."

"I don't want to."

"Then fucking don't. It's your call."

He was still sitting when Kenny returned, laying on his cushioned chair and finding a comfortable pose. Kenny closed his eyes but remained awake for some long moments, enough for Levi to think he had dozed off already. He heard the rustling of clothes on the bedsheets as the kid lowered himself to the makeshift pillow, the pant that was bit back and a couple of silenced sobs that still quivering through him before the tears lulled him to sleep.

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 **the end**

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 **Author's Note:** This is through Kenny's prespective, but I wanted to try and keep Levi's mindset in mind. Kenny's prespective however doesn't really allow me to try and show, so I hope I did somewhat a good for you as a reader.

This whole idea came up when I thought how Levi would react to a scene that unconsciously reminded him of Kuchel's pimp, as I wrote him on my fic 'The Window to the Sky'. I invite you to read that one if you have time, I'm quite proud of it.

 **Thanks for reading,** feedback is appreciated and please point out mistakes.


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